The Therapy of Thinking

I define luxury as; Long periods of uninterrupted thought.

With a week to myself, I went on vacation, at home.  I was giddy with the waterfall of options.  I could ride my motorcycle into the mountains and photograph the sunrise over Malibu or tuck myself in a secluded corner of a small coffee shop and write for days.  Instead, I ate leftover fried chicken for breakfast and rested.  I walked along the beach.  I watched the sunrise over Corona Del Mar, walked along the back bay in Newport at dawn.  I did what one should do when one goes on vacation, vacate.  I avoided the phone, the office, social events and something that surprised me, creativity.  I took a vacation from creativity.

I spend so much of my time thinking about how to compose a picture, what to take a picture of, how this logo should look, how that magazine ad should layout, this design and that design.  I am constantly in a mode of creativity, I thought that a week to myself would be a grand journey of wild imagination and highly productive creative inspiration.  In the end, I rested.  I did take pictures and created some designs for a client, I wrote, but nothing grand.

I was frustrated with myself after the first couple of days, I had to accomplish something and it had to be big.  I began to realize that I needed to simply think, without interruption, about nothing in particular.  I thought about why I was frustrated.  I thought about why I had to create something grand.  I thought about who I am, who I was and what I hoped I'd be.  I wandered along ancient memories without apology or boundary.  Broaching subjects that ranged from suicide to euphoria, silly nonsense to deep wounds and whether the Raiders preseason play, justified optimism for this season.  I smoked a cigar, sat in the backyard and smoked a cigar, long and slow.

Toward the end of the week I realized that I didn't need to create something big, capture the perfect picture or write a profound work, I needed to think.  It was a perfect vacation, I didn't have laundry or jet lag, I wasn't exhausted or broke - I rested.  I emerged satisfied with who I am, flaws, disappointments and all.